One to the Gut

Endless hours on countless walks
Had our share of elementary talks
Said you knew the pain, understood it's cause
But as a child all you knew was how to mock

Smiles in the day, face of a soldier
little girl on the inside, hoping soon it'd be over

That girl, she'd sit alone in the dark
You didn't know her at all, but now she's ready to talk

And she says

What you did to me, it hurt more than the bruises from playin in the schoolyard
What you said behind my back hurt more than any cut from fallin and man, I fell hard
Tried to be so strong
But I was barely holding on to the strings of my schoolbag
I knew inside one day I'd find
A way to keep another child from feelin that low
You never knew what it was like, no you couldn't have
Maybe you'll see now how a few strong words
Could go a long, long way...

Learning math at 3:00 and understanding chemo at 4
It was a whole other world beyond the front door
12 years old, going on 22
The names, the games, oh if my momma only knew

They wonder why I grew up so fast

But how could innocence ever last?
What you did to me, it hurt more than the bruises from playin in the schoolyard
What you said behind my back hurt more than any cut from fallin and man, I fell hard
Tried to be so strong
But I was barely holding on to the strings of my schoolbag
I knew inside one day I'd find
A way to keep another child from feelin that low
It takes it's toll, it hurts the soul
You never knew what it was like, no you couldn't have
Maybe you'll see now how a few strong words

Could go a long, long way...
World can be so cold, so cold
A head full of fear at 12 years old
Yeah I grew up much faster than you

But oh, if my momma only knew

And One To The Heart

She doesn't know
You'll catch her off guard
She's waiting to smile, but you'll shoot down her heart
She's ready to laugh so she picks up the phone
But all she gets is dial tone
She's confused yet she's calm
Interested too
So she walks to her door and she puts on her shoes
And outside she goes, but as you know, you're not there
You've just left a note on the front porch chair
She takes it inside and she sits right back down
Breathes in a large breath, makes sure noone's around.
Heart is beating fast, first line cuts like a knife
And little does she know she's been erased from your life
Tears fill her face by the time she's through reading,
She's numb and she's cold and her heart's been badly beaten
The one thing she could count on
The sole source of strength
It's all been shut down, all she can feel is the pain.

Finally gave up on someone he adores.
You won't know her hurt
But she understands yours.

Add one more to her list of scars
One to the heart and this girl saw stars

Sucker Punch

She sits on a bench, waiting for your next word. The world surrounding you is chaotic, yet the bubble you're in is so calm, so serene. Bass lines fade out and she watches your face as you try to speak...but your mouth is empty. She smiles and turns away, knowing you have something to say. She'll wait. In her sweater and boots she sits there nervous, and you know it. You won't say anything. Instead you turn her around and you make her see stars.

too used to lonely

You made it seem so great...
Talked about it as if it were what I needed
Sold me with a few lines
Told me there'd be no goodbyes
I bought in

You made it seem so right...
Walked with me as if it were natural
Put your hand in mine
Lost all track of time
I fell right in

It's been fun and it's been good
But I'm feeling a little scared of you
I'm not used to this, not used to this
at all
and well, you've been great and you've been nice
But you're getting too close to this heart of mine
and I'm not sure I can let you in just yet
so take a few steps back
take a few steps back

Death of a Dreamer

I always wanted to fast track
But now I'm flying this plane at much too fast a speed
Trying not to remember that-
it's just running on hopes and dreams
I always wanted big things
Dreamed harder than anyone, I'm sure
Wishing on stars, Playing all the right cards,
Hoping they'd see all that I could be

Now life's taken a strange, strange turn
I've lost that strength I had within
and that fire that burned inside
Burns in everyone but me, and I
go back to where this all begins,
Where did it all go wrong?
I've thought it through a thousand times, and each time I come to believe
that I've lost the dreamer in me

They'll say I told you so- I know
They'll smile and tell me I was wrong
They'll break me down, that's no surprise
They'll claim to see the forfit in my eyes
I'll understand what they are saying
They must have known it all along

How I only wanted to show them-
I was someone

Now life's taken a strange, strange turn
I've lost that strength I had within
and that fire that burned inside
Burns in everyone but me, and I
go back to where this all begins,
Where did I go wrong?
I've thought it through a thousand times, and each time I come to believe
I've lost the dreamer in me

The stars they fade- real life remains
this life's gone strange
Need that fire- need that passion
Give them my dreams, get a reaction
Bring them to life
Want to feel alive

Life's taken a strange, strange turn
Lost that strength that was within
That fire that burned inside
Burns in everyone but me, and I
go back to where this all begins,
Did I make a mistake in doing this?
I've thought it through a thousand times, and each time I come to believe
I've lost the dreamer in me

10 feet forward, 10 feet high

On the other side of glass
we can't talk this way but I
think I know what you're thinking
Someday I'm sure you'll step out of your four corners
Sooner than later
Maybe grab a drink and
You'll understand where I'm coming from
You'll understand where I'm going

On the other side of glass
Situation so fragile
If I get too close it all might crumble
Standing at a distance you see me, you see me
But are you just for display?
Am I only to see you, to see you, not feel you
Or know you, or need you, or touch you or keep you
You seem lonely in your surroundings
Watching life outside pass
But I want to know the life that stands
On the other side of glass

'hey, what happened there?'

bruises changing colour with each passing day
but the story behind it, well baby that remains the same
started off with obsession
now i'm down to three possessions
and i can't keep them hidden, no, they're so hard to hide
it's been eating me up inside
but there isn't enough reason to cry
it's not your fault, i'm guilty, my hands are up this time
looking out, it seems alright
but they stare when looking in,
looking at me they see this sight
of a poor girl who couldn't win
but i'm stronger, that's the funny thing
and i haven't lost just yet
i'm getting closer to time of glory
don't feel sorry
don't feel sorry

cursed.

Full of beautiful lies when I'm preaching truth,
I've always said 'keep your dreams close', but I've got empty hopes.
I'm some sort of hypocrite, I know.
You invade my daydreams and I hate it, I do
but how I love the image of you
This memory's past fresh, but it still burns and it stings
and yet I can't patch it up no, I'm waiting for the scar to show

he's standing beside me, while you're miles away
yet you feel so much closer, you're inside my head
again

I tell myself I'm ok, I tell him I'm ready
I tell myself I'm needy, I tell him I'm easy
I know that I'm lyin, He's not even trying
but he's got my heart wrapped up all pretty
And in the back of my mind, i know
that this isn't right, no
I keep thinking that maybe
I might not think of you tonight
And that makes me feel alright