still kicking
still moving
full formed figures
ask what I'm doing
they see but don't recognize
no they don't understand
that's alright
let me dwell in the shadows
for just a little longer
post-adrenaline exhaustion
will only make me stronger
it'll take a minute
one or two more
this crazy type of feeling
well it's been banging on the door
i let it in, i had to
and i'll let it stay and rest
so let me dwell in the shadows
so you can see me at my best
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 09, 2009
an hour later
10:50 on a Monday night. Don't want to sleep just yet.
Had a flashback today, it took me by surprise because frankly, I haven't remembered this moment for a while- a long while!
I won't be specific, but if the individual involved in this memory just happens to stumble across this, I hope you share the same happiness that I do in remembering...
It was a summer night, but crisp outside. I was cold, but it didn't bother me. I was sitting on a swing outside a school that wasn't really familiar to me. I stared at the sand beneath me and gently moved it with my feet and could see him kicking it around over in his corner of the sanded area. We spoke of the most serious things young teenagers could talk about. Maybe it wasn't as intense for him, but it was for me. I had never spoke like that with anyone before. It was all new. Everything. We hung out for hours, just talking, and talking, and laughing and understanding eachother. I remember thinking- this, is what life is all about. Sharing moments like these. Being able to really just sit down and get to know someone, and let them know you. It was probably one of the best nights I've had, and it wasn't even eventful...but it was special. I bet he didn't know that. I probably never let him know how great a night it was.
Obviously, you reading this, won't be able to really understand how this flashback felt for me. But it was really strange, just because I had completely forgotten all about it.
It was also what came after this flashback that was strange. I realized that, I only remember the bad things and rarely remember great moments, like that particular night. I really do just hold onto those bad moments and that's what I live my life on...remembering the bad.
It's silly I know. But it's a little change that I'm going to try and make in my life. Not sure how to go about doing this...but I'm going to try anything.
Next on my list of ridiculous notes: Michael Jackson.
I love his music. I truly do. Am I the only one excited for the new album?
Third note of the night:
I have figured out what my three weird obsessions are:
1) my ocd mannerism of making everything balanced.
2) spending money on anything I can. Seriously, it's a problem.
and 3rd) wigs.
I absolutely love wigs. I always have. I sometimes will just sit in my room with a wig on. haha. actually typing that out made me laugh because, it must seem SO ridiculous! Who does that? Well clearly I do! I just love being able to instantly change who you are with a simple change of hair. I guess that's something I don't usually tell people and I thought I would take the time now to let everyone know about my 3 obsessions.
As I take a look at the clock I see the picture of me and Ann Margret, and decided I will leave you off with something she once sang...
If you were on my mind
All night and day
Blame it on my youth
If I forgot to eat and sleep and pray
Blame it on my youth
If I cried a little bit
When first I learned the truth
Don't blame it on the stars
Don't blame it on your smile
Don't blame it on my eyes
Blame it on my youth
Had a flashback today, it took me by surprise because frankly, I haven't remembered this moment for a while- a long while!
I won't be specific, but if the individual involved in this memory just happens to stumble across this, I hope you share the same happiness that I do in remembering...
It was a summer night, but crisp outside. I was cold, but it didn't bother me. I was sitting on a swing outside a school that wasn't really familiar to me. I stared at the sand beneath me and gently moved it with my feet and could see him kicking it around over in his corner of the sanded area. We spoke of the most serious things young teenagers could talk about. Maybe it wasn't as intense for him, but it was for me. I had never spoke like that with anyone before. It was all new. Everything. We hung out for hours, just talking, and talking, and laughing and understanding eachother. I remember thinking- this, is what life is all about. Sharing moments like these. Being able to really just sit down and get to know someone, and let them know you. It was probably one of the best nights I've had, and it wasn't even eventful...but it was special. I bet he didn't know that. I probably never let him know how great a night it was.
Obviously, you reading this, won't be able to really understand how this flashback felt for me. But it was really strange, just because I had completely forgotten all about it.
It was also what came after this flashback that was strange. I realized that, I only remember the bad things and rarely remember great moments, like that particular night. I really do just hold onto those bad moments and that's what I live my life on...remembering the bad.
It's silly I know. But it's a little change that I'm going to try and make in my life. Not sure how to go about doing this...but I'm going to try anything.
Next on my list of ridiculous notes: Michael Jackson.
I love his music. I truly do. Am I the only one excited for the new album?
Third note of the night:
I have figured out what my three weird obsessions are:
1) my ocd mannerism of making everything balanced.
2) spending money on anything I can. Seriously, it's a problem.
and 3rd) wigs.
I absolutely love wigs. I always have. I sometimes will just sit in my room with a wig on. haha. actually typing that out made me laugh because, it must seem SO ridiculous! Who does that? Well clearly I do! I just love being able to instantly change who you are with a simple change of hair. I guess that's something I don't usually tell people and I thought I would take the time now to let everyone know about my 3 obsessions.
As I take a look at the clock I see the picture of me and Ann Margret, and decided I will leave you off with something she once sang...
If you were on my mind
All night and day
Blame it on my youth
If I forgot to eat and sleep and pray
Blame it on my youth
If I cried a little bit
When first I learned the truth
Don't blame it on the stars
Don't blame it on your smile
Don't blame it on my eyes
Blame it on my youth
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