And The Countdown Begins!

Almost here, almost here, almost here!!!!
8.5 HOURS!! Finally made my NYE plans and I'm super excited. Gonna ring in the new year with one of my closest friends and a few strangers. Can't wait to get out of the house after two weeks of not doing anything. Also can't wait to countdown to a new life.
Goodbye 2008 :)

Love love

.a.

The Winner Takes It All

"The winner takes it all,The loser standing small,Beside the victory,That's her destiny"

Although it's still about a week away, I am getting ready to be the winner in 2009....I have been counting down the days!!!
Going to be a fresh start. I'm wiping the slate clean. I've learned from this past year and I'm going to truly try to build a new life for myself; a life I deserve.
I want to let those of you know, who actually give a damn, that you should expect to see someone new this year. Someone who is going to be more confident, more determined than ever...more of an individual. I will be letting go (forgetting instead of always forgiving), I will be learning to believe in myself (instead of always putting my faith in others), and I will be defining my limits, capabilities, likes/dislikes, etc.
2009 is going to be a year where I learn to accept and move forward. Where I begin to acknowledge dreams that will never become realities. Where I solidify the foundation of my hopes and reshape the frame.
I want to be better than I have ever been before. I want to set new goals, reach new records.
I want to achieve. I need to fight for what I want, excluding love. Love's a whole new paragraph.

Love will not be chased in 2009...
It will not be searched for. Or cried about. It will not be longed for.
It will not be wondered or questioned about. I won't be that girl anymore.
I can't be her.
If love finds me...then so be it. I welcome it. But I will not fight for it. It must fight for me.

I guess I pretty much covered my intentions for 2009.
I thank all of you for this past year. I do.
I have learned so many things from so many people, and I am grateful for that.
To all of you out there, have a Happy New Year.
All the best for 2009.

Sorry But I Have To.

I'm gonna get on fine
You are too
But before you go I want you to know that I'm going to miss you.
I will try not to. But I will.
I want to say my goodbye speech here, because you don't want it any other way.
I hope that it's all you imagined it to be, and more.
I hope that you keep safe, and sane.
I hope that you come back soon, even though I know in reality you won't...but I'm still hoping.
I hope that you find happiness in all you do.
Love, learn and live. You will be ok.
I won't dwell on what didn't happen, because I know that things do happen for a reason.
Although you are disconnected..or disconnecting...or whatever...just know that I am always here. I've told you that for years and I will continue to remind you.
I'm always going to be an email away.
Lastly, thank you.
Thank you for what you have taught me this year. Thanks for the laughs and thanks for the talks.
And here it comes....inevitably. The last line and the hardest.
Goodbye.

Smiling

Hey hey!
So I am officially in the Christmas spirit. I have spent the past two days at home with my family doing holiday type stuff and it has been great. I think I gained a few pounds though thanks to all the cookies. I really wasn't in the spirit until this weekend, I guess I was just too busy and stuff. Anyway, I am addicted to these Christmas movies on tv...seriously addicted. I think in the past two days Ive watched about 8? Is that a lot...I think so. If you sit back and think about it that's 8 movies multiplied by 2 hours each is 16 hours...that Ive spent in front of the tv in 48 hours. haha. Fantastic.
I want to wish all of you a fantastic holidays. Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, enjoy the happiness of the season.
Thank you to all of you who have made 2008 what it has been. There were trying times, times of sorrow and times of joy. I know that I will cherish friendships made, and remember those I've lost.
Love
.a.

Growing up means you stop wishing on stars.

I don't want to hear a sorry, I know you aren't.
I don't need to hear stories, I don't care.
I just want to get on with what I've been trying to get on with.
I don't need anymore if's or maybe's.
I don't need any soon's or any someday's.
I don't need my time wasted, don't want to miss out.
Don't wanna hear of what I'm going to be without.
Don't want to go through all the hurt that I've been through.
Don't need anymore wishes not to come true.
Don't need broken dreams, or a broken heart
Don't need to miss someone everytime we are apart
All I want and all I need...


...is a glass of wine.
:)
haha.
I'm sleepy. Just wanted to post some nonsense for you.
It's been a crazy long day, up at 5....work til 4....exam at 7....home by 11....
I never have to write another exam again...ever! That's exciting huh?!?!?!?!?
I'm a dork, I know.
Alrighty, hope you all are enjoying the weather, cuz I'm not :)
Night night
xoxoxooxox me

Where Has She Gone?

I once knew a girl. She was fun, laughed a lot, carefree. I used to tell her she couldn't do things. She would smile and say- watch me. She had passion like no other. Used to think her so unwise, but everyone else saw a great girl, wish I had've seen through their eyes. I used to tell her she should watch the things she would say and she used to laugh and say them again anyway. I used to know her well, but thought her ridiculously naive. Didn't know much about life, always in a state of oblivion, it seemed. It used to make me mad that she was always so sure of herself, always knew exactly what she wanted, never needed people's help. Many times she didn't succeed but she sure did keep on going. Not resting til she made change, moved the world without even knowing. She would put her entire heart and soul into every conversation she had. She would tell them everything, she would want to know everything about them. She was loving, She was sweet. She was a great friend. I tried to change her, saying that her foolish ways should end. For some reason one day, she finally listened to me. I watched her fall, slip through the cracks of some uncertainty. I watched her be angry, I watched her cry, I watched her fall apart. I kept saying to her 'be who you always were' but she couldn't find it within her heart. Somehow she forgot who she was. She forgot how to feel certain feelings. I see her now. I don't know her as well, but I see her struggle to find healing. She's trying to find a way out of the person she became. I feel so sad, but I only have myself to blame. I see her eyes. Same eyes, but something's missing. Passion? Laughter? I don't know what it is. Now I wish I never told her to change.

I look down at her, looking low. Never should have traded places with my shadow.

Day 7

Stronger today than I was yesterday.
Thank you.

Hollow

I tell you that I understand
But there's so many questions in my head
Too many things here left unsaid
No answers, no answers

Chasing you is like chasing cars
I can only run so far
I fall away, with things to say
and you keep on going anyway

Don't you hear me whisper?
Can't you hear me say

I need to know
Just how to go
Go on living here without you
You left me and now I'm hollow
I can be, alright on my own
As long as you let me know
If you want me to wait

Do you want me to wait

I told you that I felt for you
What a stupid thing to do
I let down my guard
No problem, no problem

I knew it then, I know it now
That what goes up must come down
I was flying, now I'm crying
and it's all my fault, I know

Never should have told you
Now all I want is to hold you

I need to know
Just how to go
Go on living here without you
You left me and now I'm hollow
I can be, alright on my own
As long as you let me know
If you want me to wait

I need to know
Just how to go
Go on living here without you
You left me and now I'm hollow
I can be, alright on my own
As long as you let me know
If you want me to wait

Do you want me to wait

I can wait

Run......song of the day

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

'The Adventures of Me' Take 50

Starting my life as a grown-up today. Making some severe changes in my life; new job, new habits and a new outlook on many aspects of my life. I'm not sitting around anymore. That's one promise I've made myself. If you want me to wait for you, tell me so, or else I'm up and gone.
Regarding life in general, there's no time to lose. I know that. Now I need to start taking advantage of the time I have. No more wasting away. This is day one of all of that.
Here's to a new life.
Cheers.

x A x

Day One:
Up at 6 am. I'm ready to go by 7. Nervous, excited, scared, confident...completely mixed emotions, but I'm ready to do this. I didn't know I'd start my life off like this...but that's why it's exciting. All I've really known for the past four years is television. Music is a whole new universe. I always knew I'd explore it someday. But never first, ya know? Anyway...it's absolutely crazy but I love it. I'm also in a 'love will find me someday' mood. I can't sit and wait for it though. That's why I'm just letting things run their course. Taking on my old perspective....if it happens, it happens. That's all. Ok.....here we go. Wish me luck. xox